Debt

Every doctorate student who graduates knows about debt. You have 6 months after commencement before you begin paying out; You know about how much money you'll have to dish out per month to pay off that loan; All these troublesome money issues that fester in the back of your mind as you ponder, "aggghh, was it really worth it?"

But there is a far more important debt that is owed. That degree I hold in my hand was not obtained solely through my own efforts. I borrowed (heavily) the energy, love, and goodwill of my family. As far as I'm concerned, THEY were the ones who financed my education. Theirs was the currency that no value can be calculated. That's comforting on the one hand because I don't have another monthly payment to calculate for how much I owe someone. But it's also daunting, in a good way (I'll explain later), because I know very well that there's no way I could ever repay this debt.

If I were to do a dedication for Amy in front of a large crowd, it would sound a bit like this: "Four years ago, Amy and I sat down to have a difficult discussion. I knew that I had to do the Ph.D. and I was trying to tell Amy how important it was to me. We talked for hours. And I remember Amy telling me, 'Jason, I know that you've wanted to do this for a while, and I know it is so important for you. So first of all I want to tell you that whatever you want to do I support you completely because I love you. But I also want to say that this is a very hard thing for me to do because I know that by supporting you, I'll have to give up so much. I know that by supporting you there will be things that I want for myself AND for us as a family, that I'll have to give up. So if it were entirely up to me, I'd say please don't do it. But it's your decision to make and you should go forth with it, and I will support you with all my heart.' And after Amy told me this, she cried. And the only thing I could think was, "geez, we've been married for less than a year, and I'm already breaking her heart. What is wrong with me?! So Amy, after 4 years of watching you support me, my love for you has grown in ways I could never have imagined. And I only hope that you can say the same about me."

There is a massive difference between the monetary debts we owe to financial institutions and the debts of gratitude owed to those who love us. Do you ever notice that we never discuss the monetary debts we owe? We certainly don't put them into the acknowledgment sections of our dissertations. You'll never see a statement about how we are ever so thankful to the federal government and such and such a bank for lending us X amount of dollars. There's a bit of secrecy that surrounds how much we owe, how much we pay per month, or how long we will be paying these debts. Thinking about these debts also just puts us in a fowl mood, usually involving many expletives and the like.

But the debts of gratitude we owe to our loved ones are plastered all over our dissertations' acknowledgment sections. We freely proclaim to all how much we appreciated their support and love. And doing so is enormously gratifying. Therefore, it is the debts of gratitude that make the other debts we owe so much more bearable.